But understandable, really
by asa-chan
Summary: What would have happened, if Edward had to go through a health inspection, instead of being questioned in an interview? And his inspectors being old perverted men? Silly humor


**But understandable, really**

A Fullmetal Alchemist Fanfiction 

_By asa-chan_

**Summary:** What would have happened, if Edward had to go through a health inspection, instead of being questioned? And his inspectors being old perverted men? 

**Warning:** PG 13, disturbing humor, perverts (Pervert Mustang strikes again!) 

**Pairing:** Does perverted lechers/Ed count? 

**Disclaimer:** Don't own it.... 

**Note:** Not proof-read, probably full of spelling mistakes, but WTH? It's my birthday! 

"Every year, the exam consists of writing, an interview, and practical skills, in that order." Tucker exlained at the table, smiling gently. 

"And", Tucker continued, staring at the boys in front of him, "I'm not sure about the actual numbers of candidates, but only one or two pass every year." 

Edward's golden eyes widened a great deal and he gasped, disbeliefment written all over his face. "That's all?" He asked, astonished. 

"Yes." 

Al moved his head forward, the armor making the familiar clanking sound. "Umm, what do we do at the interview?" 

"In my case, they just asked questions, but they sometimes give health inspections to certain people." Tucker answered evenly, glancing at an oblivious Ed, the lenses of his glasses hiding his action. 

"What?" Somehow Al managed to take a sharp intake of breath and lowered his head in misery, deep in thought. "Health inspection, eh...?" 

Edward gave his brother an assessing look, but directed his attention to Tucker again. 

"And for the practical exams..." 

------------------------------------------- 

After the written exam Edward Elric found himself standing in front of a huge wooden door, ready to go through the health inspection. 

_'But I do wonder what they want to inspect? Maybe testing my intincts and reflexes, heh, I can do that.'_ Ed thought, confident in his abilities and threw the door open, stepping into the barely lit room. 

He looked around and saw a metal stretcher in the middle of the room, and three rather old looking men, clothed in white lap coats and wearing gloves, standing behind the stretcher, their mouth widened into a disturbing grin. 

Ed gulped and nearly took a step back, but squared his shoulders and set his jaw, eyes determinded. _'I can do this, this is a piece of cake, I do that for Al, what does it matter that my inspectors are old geezers, who are....smirking lecherously at me...?' _

"Hehehehe", one old man chuckled and motioned with his hand to Ed to step closer. "What do we have here? Young meat, very fresh and so pretty..... How nice.., a good change after all these old men taking the exam....." 

_'Gueeehhh...., I want to be out of there....'_ Was Edward Elric's only thought, grimacing. 

"Come young boy, we don't bite..." 

The blond relcutantly took a step forwards, pressing his teeth together in a tight line, mentally screaming out loud in his head._ 'You damned Lieutenant Colonel! This is all your fault!' _

"So, strip....., hehehehehe!" The three old men surrouned Edward, while grinning madly. 

"AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!" 

----------------------------------- 

After three hours of groping, perverted grins and sexual harrassment Edward Elric was finally free to go, although the inspectors wanted to have him a bit longer in the room. But the blond seized his chance for freedom and bolted out of the room, a hunted expression on his face, only wearing his unzipped and unbuttoned leather pants and his boots. The rest of his clothing was ripped apart, the result after being tugged forcefully away from his body. 

"Come back, pretty....!" The calls faded into the distance as Ed left that room behind him, his eyes horrified. 

He ran around a corner and bumped into a solid warm body, forcing the lighter and smaller boy towards the floor, his bottom hitting the cold ground with a loud thump. 

"Guargh! What the---?" Ed questioned and looked up, rubbing his aching ass, directly in the bemused eyes of one Roy Mustang, towering over the boy in his full military uniform. 

"Ahh, Edward-kun. What a surprise to meet you here..., I trust your inspection went well?" Mustang asked, eyes glittering. 

Ed's golden eyes immediately narrowed and he glared at the dark-haired man, clenching his auto-mail fist tightly. 

Roy's eyebrow climbed higher as he took in the sight of a half-naked Edward, hair falling out of his braid, chest heaving and combined with these wide, passionate eyes, made a nice picture, pleasing to the eyes of one who appreciates the beauty of both species. 

[This sound so pedophilish... Oh hell, Roy is a pervert. Story goes on...] 

Ed froze after noticing **the look** in the Lieutenant Colonel's eyes, this expression so familiar, making him so anxious and jittery. 

"Edward-kun...." Mustang began and his gloved hand reached out, slowly approaching Ed who watched the motion with wide-eyes. 

"Noooooo! Don't come near me!" Edward screeched, pushed Roy's hand and the body belonging to it away, automail was sometimes really useful and fled down the corridor, screaming all the way. 

"What the...?" 

Roy Mustang was left alone in the hallway, staring after the boy. 

--------------------- 

Somehow, still after these traumatic events Edward Elric passed the National Alchemist Qualification Exam. 

He is, after all, a boy wonder. 

But how he did it, is unknown. 

--------------------- 

**Epilouge:**

Somewhere, in a dark and dreary room seven men were gathered around one table, looking at the closed folder in the hands of a man in a lap-coat. 

"Do you have them...?" One husky voice asked, shaking with anticipation. 

"Oh yes....., I'm presenting..." 

Complete silence 

"The pictures of Fullmetal taking during the inspection!" A voice declared loudly. 

"What! Gimme! Gimme!" 

"What?! I will have them first!" 

"No way!" 

"I'm your leader, so I will see them first!" 

"Piss off!" 

A squabble quickly arised, full grown men fighting over nude pictures of one pretty golden-haired child. 

Understandable, really. 

"Uaahhhh!" 

Roy Mustang, Basque Gran, Hakuro and King Bradley found themselves entangled in a heap, each of them grabbing the edge of a picture with a nude blonde youth on it 

Pedophiles, all of them. 

But understandable, really. 

**-End-**

Yeah, review and make a finally sixteen years old girl happy? 

asa-chan


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